Recently, one of my clients told me that every item of clothing she was wearing at our session "feels like me". She added how hard it had been for her to buy each one--indeed, how hard it is for her, generally, to risk reaching for something--even something as mundane as a sweater--that she really, really wants. I pointed out to her that each of those items of clothing was like a metaphor for pieces of her true self that she has been struggling so hard to reclaim. A very young part of her that still lives inside her (a part from the early years of primary school)knows who she is and what her truths and passions are. Our work is to reconnect that little girl with the young woman in my office. We do this by gradually healing wound after wound that the girl-woman incurred in the intervening years. Once all the blocks to natural growth have finally been removed, becoming will resume, and self-comfort and blossoming will follow.
In such cases, my job is to clear a space for, and nurture, the wisdom inherent in the client--no matter how apparently confused. Thus, when my "lost" clients start using words like "instinctive," "natural," "satisfaction," "love," and so on, I pay very close attention. No matter how much disaster or disconnection has come into their lives, no matter how much they have internalized other people's wrongheaded ideas regarding how they ought to live, and no matter how undeserving or worthless they may feel, I know that, eventually, some hopeful little sprig that has, nevertheless, not given up will risk sticking up its head. That's when I start weeding and watering like crazy.
Only my clients can tell me who they really are, but I can help them reclaim their authenticity. Once free to grow naturally, they shed me like last year's seed pod. And I move on, once again, to clearing thorny ground.Labels: authenticity, counseling for depression, existential therapy, feeling confused, feeling lost, feeling stuck, natural growth, self-comfort